H U M A N
by BeyondBirthday'sBestie
Summary: LxLight. Dad was going to take me to go and see you when you were buried...I prayed every night beforehand that they poured cement in that six-foot-deep grave so you couldn't keep coming back to my room; to my house. I wanted to know if you were human...


A/N: Because no matter what we say, love lives forever. We try not to believe it, but here we all are...

"I did nothing at all, it's all my fault you're gone. Your face on my wall, it tells it all, you will live on...I miss you, I kissed you when we layed you in your grave. I need you to believe you, things were meant to be this way..."

Light's POV

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_H U M A N_

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_**I **__(*need*) _YOU

You were never human.

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You had no heart.

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_No one ever cared enough to say it..._

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You were hated.

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You were a wreck.

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_Someone, please..._

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You were a social outcast.

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You were a pathetic excuse for a detective.

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_I didn't want to do it..._

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I hated you.

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I wanted to kill you.

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_...And I did..._

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Emotionless. Unloved. Incompetant. Immoral. Sadistic. Controlling. Condesending. Freak.

You were never human, L. You were just a sick, tortured man who enjoyed toying with emotions for his own personal gain. I hated you. You gave me nothing but these haunted dreams and endless nights of horror-stricken nightmares...

You're not gone, either. You're still alive, and I know this for a complete and utter fact. You sit on my window sill if I leave the window open on warm summer nights...when dew forms on the grass in the early mornings...this eventually leads to me locking up that stupid, drafty window.

_I don't want you in my house anymore. Go away..._

Sometimes, you like to sit on the very edge of my bed, the part where the blanket is ruffled up a bit from my nightly rustling. You perch right there, where Sayu usually sits...you like to stare at the wall. You are very quiet, most of the time. I hate it. I hate the way you just stare to drive me to my nearing edge...I hate you in general.

One night, you spoke to me.

You told me that it was my fault. That you knew the entire time...

I screamed so loud that night, the neighbors from the other side of the block rushed to my house to make sure the family was okay.

The next few days, I cried until I finally stumbled into the bathroom and threw myself over the trash can in the corner. I let it all out of me, let everything in my body into that little, plastic can. What came out of my body was not only the fluids of my stomach, but the horrible achy feeling in my head that stabbed at me like a switchblade. I released every subsided scream, cry, call, wail for help I ever begged for in my life. I let the blackness inside of me tumble out with a grand exit and watch as my entire world became a little less brutally heavy and critical. Every teacher, parent, _boss _that ever made me feel like lesser of a person, less intellegent or mature, was splattered into that mixture of grief, mouring, and regret.

My liver was tugging inside of me, begging for forgiveness...I mutilated it with the next bottle of Jack that went down the hatch.

_Dad was going to take me to go and see you when you were buried..._

I prayed every night beforehand that they poured cement in that six-foot-deep grave, so you couldn't keep coming back to my room; to my house.

A few nights later, you came so close to me that I could feel your cold, icy skin pressed against my sweaty, paled exoskeleton. Your eyes were the death of me, because I knew they saw inside me. You could see the ticking of my heart, the way I worked. You could see my little black heart beat-beat-beating out of fear and anxiety. You watched the clockwork of my gears grinding and my blood flowing. You reached out, your hand pushed past the skin that layed outside of me, pressing past to reach out and touch infinity...your fingers danced around it, waiting for the perfect moment to capture it. You grasped onto my heart, delaying it's beats, making my inside's churn. I felt sick all over, and I wanted to just fall over dead, because I knew that's exactly what you wanted too...

Then you let go.

Your hand retreated, your thumb now pressed to your lip in that same quizical way as always. You remembered that night during the moment you reached inside of me...you remembered how much I hated you, how much I wanted to tear your skin from your boney frame and just rip you apart from the inside.

I wanted to see exactly how human you were.

_I listened to the sound of your head pounding against the pretty white walls and smiled to myself. I wanted to hear you cry, but you couldn't even give me that. You did end up whimpering once I got to the sixth hit, but that wouldn't do. No, not at all. I needed to watch your face contort into a pained emotion, one that told me you couldn't hold onto your pride any longer so you could spill yourself onto me. Once I finished thrashing you against that wall, I knew what I had to do..._

_ That little silver knife kept you in place..._

_ You stiffened, silent as always. I grinned like the criminal I was. I told you lies about how it wasn't going to hurt one bit. I told you that once we were done, you could go and tell the world I was Kira and that I had just attacked you ever-so viciously. I wanted that. I wanted it so bad, it started to hurt. I wanted you to tattle on me, rat me out. Then I would know that the great L feared something. I would understand that you had a heart, that you existed like the rest of us...you were like this dream, I wanted to reach out and grab, but when I tried, you were suddenly gone and I was left with this fading hope that was stuck in my chest like a heavy rock. _

_ By the time I had ripped off your shirt, you were just a broken record. You told me I wouldn't get away with something like this...you told me I would be sentenced to death the moment the public knew...but I had no intention of caring. _

_ Then the blood came. I remember sinking my teeth into your collar bone, letting the thrill of it all wash over me in a silent pleasure. You cried out, shamelessly. You sounded so pathetic. I loved it. Then I went deeper, traveling all over your neck. I wanted to save the jugular for last, savoring the taste of your blood. It lingured in my mouth, like dirty pennies. Your big black eyes were so riviting, the way they themselves were screaming out so loud, it nearly broke the glass of the windows. They called out to anyone who would help, who would make it end...but you stayed resilient. Your pride was worth very little to me. _

_ I punctured the jugular with my little silver knife, letting you bleed out all over the bed that we once shared...you didn't even scream. I growled in frustration, twisting the little blade so that more beautiful blood would fall all over, staining everything around us. Your face was so stricken with pain, I nearly cried from the sheer joy of it all. I had to go deeper...I hate to see the beauty and elegance of the human body...the way you ticked, the way you moved..._

_ So the little silver knife ended your life and I didn't care. _

_ I let it find your heart like a metal detector, and X marked the spot. I let you die slowly, watching as you removed the organ from your chest and played with my new toy. It was so perfect...the way it still pumped little by little, like the Little Train Who Could. Before I let the Fates cut your sting and take you away, I smiled like the Cheshire cat and ripped it apart with such grace. I tore it up and left the bloody pieces all over your dead, lifeless, useless, crimson-stained, moonlight-skinned body. I let the laughter errupt from inside me so much so that it hurt. I didn't stop until tears wound up all over the bloodied pieces of your discarded heart. I laughed as I washed your liquids off my hands. I laughed as I washed the blade of my little silver knife, placing it back in your hand. I laughed as I created the scene, leaving a typed letter to me on your little silver laptop. I laughed as I left your fake-suicide scene...and I laughed until I cried myself to sleep that night. _

"I forgive you, Light-kun," You sent shivers down my spine, your breath chilled like the frigid air of the arctic. My little black heart stopped beat-beat-beating for a moment or two, giving into the shock of your statement. We stood on the nothingness beneath us, looking as if we had never left work that day. You gave me that signature look, a mix of puzzlement and condesendingness. The sky touched the Earth and the ringing of bells shook me from the inside out. They were so loud, piercing my body with each shockwave of sound. Soon, a misty rain sprinkled over us, touching us in magical ways. They were the colors of the rainbow, landing on nothing but our bodies. Our nothingness was now full of color, completely covering us in rainbows. I looked beneath me, watching the blackness pour from my feet down to the bottomlessness below. Soon, the colors filled my body, leaving me weightless...

"I forgive you, Light-kun," You repeat to me, a small little smile filled with the rainbow colors plastered to your face. Your skin was the color of sunshine and your eyes the color of the darkest ink. Your hair was the most beautiful obsidian I had ever seen, and the way you look at me, like you could see inside me nearly stopped my heart...the only problem was that it had already stopped a long time ago.

I never thought one could die from heartache, ever. I always thought sappy romance novels and depressed poets wrote that kind of crap to make teenagers like me bat their eyelashes and sigh. They told my family that my heart had ruptured, due to my 'spiraling depression'. They knew it was because of L. Who wouldn't have guessed the obvious? I had drank myself to death, as well. My liver was pretty much dead. Ah, to die like Edgar Allen Poe...how tragic am I? Very little. I wanted to see your grave, though, before I left the world. I wanted to open your tiny little coffin and kiss you once on your forehead, because I finally realized that I loved you. I had proof at the end too. I left a little note, apparently, in my drunken whirlpool of madness to no one inparticular. It read:

_I loved you because you were human after all._

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Loved it? Hated it? REVIEW IT! Wow...lame cheerleading, man. Lame cheerleading...PLEEASSEE review, yal. I put my HEARTANDSOUL into it.


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